


Until Dawn

by siriusissues



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Ben is force sensitive but not trained, Fluff, I guess this could kinda be a prequel to TFA if u wanna, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Let ur imagination flow, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of alcohol, Poe is famous, That is all I think, The ending is ??????, They're younger than in TFA, You're allowed to take it however u want, have a nice day or night or yeah, hints of depression, it's almost 4 am lmao, oh and they live on coruscant btw, pls give this a try i'm so insecure about all the shit i post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5927031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusissues/pseuds/siriusissues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe shrugged. The light raise and fall of his shoulders could easily be mistaken for something careless, something nonchalant. But Ben heard the unspoken words behind it, something along the lines of, "Welcome to my world."</p>
<p>Or; they couldn't gaze at the stars so instead they gazed at each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> oh look !!!! more garbage !!!
> 
> again, english is not my first language and don't let my awful grammar fool you, the fic is better than this,, i think
> 
> this is really weird and confusing and if it doesn't make sense please leave a comment and i'll try my best and explain
> 
> ok thank u !!!!

__

Ben and Poe are currently hanging around, in their third livingroom. The pale skinned man didn't know it was possible for an apartment to be this big. But that was before he met the young pilot.

Ah, yes, the pilot. The man sitting on the floor at the other side of the table. He was the son of Shara Bey and Kes Dameron. He was famous the second he was born. Poe had never been one to live in the shadow of someone else. So when he got old enough to actually do something, he did. Tired of being famous for what his parents did, when they still were a part of his life.

The poor Dameron boy couldn't even step outside of his apartment before there were rumors floating around. Rumors like too much partying and sex combined with alcohol and sometimes even drugs when in reality he was just going to some business dinner or the petshop to cry over all the baby animals.

But the media did everything they could to give the galaxy something to gossip about and frankly Poe got tired of it and that's when he decided he was going to follow in his mother's footsteps.

Poe Dameron wanted to be more than a famous child with no name. So he became the best pilot in the galaxy.

And that sure as hell gave the media something to write about and the people something to gossip over in the grocery line.

 

  
Ben had met Poe on a night out about eight years ago. He had no idea what the golden boy did in the depths of Coruscant's underworld but he surely wasn't going to ask. The poor boy had looked up at him with eyes so wide Ben was sure they were going to pop out of his skull any second. (Which they didn't. Thank god.)

The sixteen year old looked at the other sixteen year old and he was so different from what the media made him out to be. He wore a black cape with the hood up making shadows fall over his face, but the distress was still clear in his smooth eyes.

"You have to help me, _please_ ," the Dameron boy had hissed between clenched teeth as he cast a quick glance over his shoulder.

At first Ben had no idea what the kriff he was talking about but the blinding lights of flashes soon came into his view and _oh_. Right. The paparazzi. Of course.

The other sixteen year old grabbed his hand and his eyes were so pleading Ben couldn't just leave him there to be all over the news by himself the next morning.

So he nodded and then they ran into the huge crowds of the streets, deeper and deeper into the dark night. At first it was just to get away from the flashing cameras and screaming mouths, but it soon turned into laughter and quick apologies everytime they bumped into someone. Their palms were sweaty and warm and the Dameron boy's hood had long since fallen off, making his curls stick to his forehead and his laughter bounce against the walls of the cramped masses they ran through.

When their feet were too sore to keep running and breathing too fast to speak, they decided to climb an old theater building.

The two of them were sitting with their backs against a huge statue of a being Ben had never seen before. It was comfortable. They couldn't gaze at the stars so instead they watched the ships and cars in the busy night of Coruscant.

"So," Ben began to speak and the Dameron boy turned to look at him, the light catching his eyes turning them into orbs of honey.

"Yeah?" He answered and gave the other man a smile so warm it could melt Hoth. Ben smiled back.

"What are you doing here anyway? In the underworld of Coruscant?" He asked.

The Dameron boy shrugged and turned his gaze back up at the night sky. He was quiet for a moment and Ben refused to push him to answer, ready to change the topic just when the other man parted his lips to speak.

"I guess sometimes... I just need to get away from everything for a while. To collect my thoughts and dreams and wish for something beyond my reach. Something that I do not know what it is, but still want," he said into the night that was young still. His voice was quiet but honest and Ben found himself wondering for the first time in forever if wanting to be famous is only ever a dream until you actually become famous.

Sometimes, maybe more than not, having everyone shout your name and watch your every move is worse than having everyone look past you and not knowing who you are at all.

The other sixteen year old interrupts Ben's thoughts with a question of his own.

"So... What's your name?"

"I'm..." For a split second he hesitated. "I'm Kylo. Kylo Ren."

"Pleased to meet you, Kylo. I'm Poe." And Ben grins so softly before following Poe's gaze into the sky of Coruscant.

"I know."

And if the media decided to write some disgustingly cute story about how the golden boy ran away with another teen he met in the streets of the underworld, then that's okay. They'll just have something to laugh about the next time they meet.

 

  
The next time Ben met Poe, there were no blinding cameras and desperate shouts involved, chasing them into the darkness, away from the world but into each other.

This time Poe didn't plead for him with his eyes to take his hand and blur into the crowds. This time the Dameron boy showed up like a blurry shadow at the edge of the roof of the old theater building. For a moment or two Ben was positive it was the after effects of the Death Sticks. Turns out it wasn't.

When the silhouette, that so easily blended into the dullness of the city, started to approach him, Ben then instead began to believe he was fast asleep in some street corner, his mind dreaming of something way out of his reach. Something that is impossible to touch, or even look at. But it's still here. So close, but not close enough for your fingertips to brush against.

That was until Poe stepped into his vision and his face partly hidden by the hood came into Ben's view.

The golden boy looked at him for a long time, his gaze burning his skin, making ice run through his veins like fire. The Coruscant night was chilly, but yet the sixteen year old with the snow kissed skin was sweating. Drowning in himself.

The man before him eventually sat down, back against the statue. He had a tablet with him that he handed over to Ben in silence. The taller boy took it with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

"It is, kind of, cute how they took their time to write that. They did it for the money, I know. But still..." It took Ben a moment to realize that Poe was actually talking to him, and another moment for Ben to realize what the other man was talking about. He looked down at the tablet in his hand. It all made sense.

**"The Dameron sweetheart with mysterious male lover? You heard it here first!"**

Ben snorted, a habit he first picked up on when he was very young, when his parents actually saw something in him, still. Too long ago to be nothing but a memory, but also so clear it could've been just an hour ago.

"They make it sound like I'm an object," The pale man muttered, his words blurring together into the sound of the busy Coruscant traffic passing by every second.

Poe shrugged. The light raise and fall of his shoulders could easily be mistaken for something careless, something nonchalant. But Ben heard the unspoken words behind it, something along the lines of, "Welcome to my world."

No more sentences were exchanged that night, they just kept gazing at speeder after speeder passing by in the never ending night of Coruscant. Their goodbye's were only a small smile and a wave of a hand. But yet they both knew they would see each other tomorrow, again. Same place, same time.

 

  
When the next night fell Poe were already there when Ben arrived. The golden boy took one quick look at him, fast but taking in every tiny little detail. The pale man wished he could've done the same, wanting to memorize everything about the other sixteen year old. He couldn't though. Not when he felt like there were pastel colours mixed with misery running through his blood system. So soft, yet it could kill him in a second.

"I'm sorry I'm a bit late. Something showed up," he said to the Dameron boy and it was a poor excuse, he knew so. But it was also true, and for the first time since he left, he found himself not being able to lie to another person.

Poe just nodded, accepting the apology with no further questions. They took their seats on the roof of the old theater building, backs against the statue. Once again they sat in silence for another night, watching the busy traffic until dawn. Then Poe left with a smile and Ben left with a wave, knowing very well that they'd see each other soon again.

And they did. Every single night for a couple of weeks.

Well, at least until Ben didn't show up one night. He knew that Poe was waiting for him, could sense it through the force. The force that he had not used for years, but yet it was almost burning brighter within him than ever.

Hour after hour passed and Ben knew that Poe knew that he wasn't coming, but the golden boy still sat on the roof, gazing at the empty sky. And he wished. He wished for so many things he did not knew he actually wanted. And he waited. Waited for a tall shadow to show up on the horizon and take a seat next to him. He waited for Kylo, he waited for a sign for something he couldn't think of.

Ben showed up again two nights later, with eyes bloodshot and pupils blown wide. Poe didn't question him this time either. He didn't ask him where he was these past two nights, or why his fingers seemed to tremble more than usually. He didn't wonder why his skin looked almost frozen rather than just kissed by snow, and he did not wonder why his shoulders shook like they were struck by lightning. The taller man's body seemed to spark and crackle just as much as his personality.

They just sat down, backs against the statue and bodies side by side, a bit closer this time. Close enough for hands to brush against each other but too far away to actually lace their fingers together.

And at some point as they were gazing at the never ending darkness of the city night of Coruscant, they started to gaze at each other instead.

 

  
Around two weeks later Poe was the last one to arrive, Ben already sitting on his side in front of the statue. The Dameron boy noticed how the taller man seemed almost afraid of his own shadow, even though he did not have one. It was in the middle of the night, after all.

_Perhaps he has a shadow that I cannot see_.

Poe sat down as well, but not next to Ben, no. He sat down in front of him. He then cupped his face, dilated pupils meeting smooth honey orbs laced with concern. It was quiet for a long moment. Until...

"I know what you're doing," the golden boy said quietly into the thick air. "I've been knowing all along, Kylo."

Poe watched as the other man seemed to freeze for just a split second, like his heart stopped pumping around his blood and his lungs stopped collecting oxygen. The olive skinned sixteen year old wondered what caused it. Was it his choice of words or their meaning?

The taller man nodded slowly, like he was afraid that his head was going to fall off. He watched as Poe sighed gently, so quiet it quickly became one with the air surrounding them, snaking its way into their bodies then out again as they exhaled.

"I know," Ben answered eventually. Poe was still holding his face. They were still gazing at each other. "I'm sorry."

The golden boy didn't respond to that, he just let go of Ben's face before crawling onto his lap. They rested their foreheads against one another's shoulders. That night they did not gaze at anything. They just held each other tight, both seeking and finding comfort in each other. And when they closed their eyes, one saw an endless dark behind his eyelids, the other saw soft colours and promises. Who saw what is better left unanswered, for they did not know themselves.

 

  
After that night when Poe arrived he would often find Ben passed out against the huge statue. He smiled everytime, for he would rather watch the pale man sleep safely than being wide awake with something unknown kicking its way through his veins.

One night, when it was close to dawn and Poe would soon smile and leave and Ben would soon wave and leave in the other direction, the taller man spoke up.

"I have to tell you something," he said and the Dameron boy's eyes were soon on his. They bore deeper holes into his pupils. At least it felt like that.

He kept going, "My real name is actually not Kylo Ren."

Poe nodded but did not say anything. Ben figured he should continue.

"I'm Ben."

"Just Ben?"

"Just Ben."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, then. Hello Just Ben. I'm Poe. Poe Dameron."

And Ben smiled a honest smile for the first time in probably ten years, and it was the most beautiful smile the golden boy had ever seen. If eyes could hear music, then Ben's smile was the only melody Poe's would ever need.

 

  
It had been six months now, since they first met and had gotten on the news the day after.

And for the first time ever, Poe was late.

When he showed up he looked like a thunder storm, a hurricane ready to turn the whole galaxy upside down. Ben could feel the rage in him. It was turning his blood black.

He did not say anything as he took his usual seat. No, not by the pale man's side with his back against the statue, but with his back pressed against Ben's broad chest and his arms tightly around his waist and his legs spread out along Poe's, trapping his body but securing it from the world.

Dawn eventually came and this time Poe did not stand up to give Ben a small smile before climbing down from the old theater building. This time he turned around on the taller man's lap and leaned their foreheads together, his every exhale a gentle caress to the other's face.

"I have to go," the Dameron boy had whispered into the tiny bubble surrounding them. So easy to pop, but no one would dare to.

Ben had nodded and he knew that the four simple words held a deeper meaning than that. That Poe had chose them carefully and replaced his usual goodbye with them for a reason Ben would rather not see, even if it was clearer than the ices on Hoth.

Then the golden boy had kissed him and left, leaving Ben with a heart to heal and mind to tame.

 

  
The Dameron boy returned a year later, seventeen years old and without his cape. Even though Ben had seen his return on the news, he still got kind of shocked as Poe Dameron himself was climbing to the roof of the old theater building. No one saw that but Ben, of course.

They were back to old times, like when they first had met. Honey orbs that screamed _lost_ , and bloodshot eyes with pupils black and deeper than all of Naboo's lakes together. They were sitting side by side, their backs leaning against the statue.

No one spoke a single word until a week after the golden boy's return, and it was the olive skinned man himself that broke the ice. Ice so thin but yet so hard to get through.

"You know... I've always kind of wished that I one day could give you the same feelings as the drugs floating through your veins do. That's all I've ever wanted since I met you. But I guess as someone who's used to always getting my will through, it is harder to take the hit when I do not," he had said so softly it could've easily been mistaken for the gentle breeze caressing their dark locks away from their foreheads.

Ben wanted to scream at the Dameron boy that he actually does give him the same feelings as the unhealthy poison swimming around his body, that being with the other seventeen year old beats anything in the entire galaxy. He wanted to yell at him that the drugs makes him see the colour he always longs for when the shorter man is not there by his side, for Poe makes the gray surrounding him seem a little bit less dead. He brings colour into Ben's world with his presence alone.

He doesn't say these things, though. Instead he just says, "You told me you had to go, you kissed me then left. I sat here every night for a whole year, in case you would come back. At last you did, but you had nothing to say. Nothing along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I'm here." It was a year ago since we last spoke, it was dawn like it is now. Back then you had let yourself love me, but right now you haven't even said "Hello.""

Poe did not answer, and for some reason Ben was grateful for that. Another part of him wanted his heart back from the other man, for he was not sure if Poe's heart belonged to Ben at all.

 

  
One night Poe had climbed the theater building with such determination Ben wasn't sure what he was supposed to think. The golden boy didn't choose to sit in his usual seat on the cold roof next to Ben. This time he took back a seat that once had belonged to him.

He had walked over to the pale skinned man with long strides and eyebrows furrowed together in such an adorable way. He then dropped to his knees and crawled onto Ben's lap, his hands coming up to cup the snow kissed cheeks. Ben soon found himself with his arms around Poe's waist, slender fingers slipping under the shorter man's shirt, brushing olive skin with touches so light but yet enough to leave a phantom burn. A pain Poe did not want to ever forget. A feeling that made him feel alive.

"Come with me," he whispered gently, the words blending together into nothing but a soft melody.

Then the golden boy had kissed him again then left, this time taking the other man with him.

No hearts were left to heal, no minds were left to tame.

 

  
— — —

 

  
Ben is being brought back from the past into reality by something tickling his right arm. He turns his head to see the young pilot sitting next to him, having moved from his spot on the floor across the table. He then looks down at his arm, his snow kissed skin full of doodles and hearts. He shakes his head. His boyfriend really could be a child sometimes, even though they're both twenty-four now.

He then looks back at the man sitting next to him and when their eyes meet he can't help but smile like he did when he first had met Poe. He really did bring out the best in Ben, no matter what.

"You brought me back," he whispers softly as he raises his hand to carefully swipe a piece of dark hair away from Poe's forehead. The man smiles, but still shakes his head. Ben continues.

"Yes you did. You brought me back to my parents, to the family I long ago had left, only six years old. You gave me everything I had lost back. You made the unspoken promises come true." Ben's hand was now stroking the soft curve of Poe's cheekbone, a touch so loving the olive skinned man could not help but lean into it and closing his eyes.

"Promises? What unspoken promises?" Poe mumbles although rather unfocused.

"The promises always swimming in your eyes, bringing peace and hope to everyone they watch and everything they gaze at."

The young pilot did not question his lover's answer, but he also did not respond. They left the conversation floating away through the air like that, for nothing more needed to be said.

 

  
When the night falls once again over Coruscant, Ben decides to take Poe out.

The pale man leads his lover through the crowded streets of the underworld, their hands tightly holding onto each other, palms warm and sweaty but blending into one. It was eight years ago today, exactly eight years ago since the pilot had pleaded for him to take his hand and run. Run into the darkness to find themselves, to find each other. They did not know it back then, but that very same night they had fallen in love on the roof of an old theater building, with their backs against a huge statue. Their hearts had longed for something beyond their reach, for something they did not know. Only the answer was right in front of their eyes. _Infinity_ , _love_ and _each other._

 

  
It's silent as they once again sit on that roof, Ben leaning against the statue and Poe's back pressed against his chest, his arms holding the shorter man's waist tightly, but with Poe's hands in his. Ten fingers, two palms.

Poe leans his head back against the other man's shoulder and closed his eyes. He nuzzles his nose against the soft skin of Ben's neck, before planting a feather light kiss there. Ben smiles. He's finally happy.

He lets go of the young pilot's hands to reach for something in his jacket pocket. When the small item brushes against his fingertips, it's cold and alone, but ready to hug a finger.

He gently takes Poe's smaller left hand in his, placing the item in the palm of his lover. As the shorter man feels something brush his skin, he opens his eyes and turns his body slightly to look at the man with the snow kissed skin. Their gazes meet for a few seconds, before Poe looks at his hand instead, opening it slowly, finger by finger.

And before he sees it, a millions of thoughts runs through his head, then he just gasps. His breath leaves his lungs but his heart beats faster and the feeling in the pit of his stomach makes him feel all tingly, yet so calm. He quickly looks back at Ben as the other man carefully takes the small item out of his hand. He lovingly strokes Poe's cheek with the back of his other hand.

And before the taller of the pair can ask him, there's tears sliding down the pilot's cheeks.

"Yes," he chokes out. "A billion times yes."

The other man is smiling so bright it could blind the whole galaxy but it just makes Poe fall in love even more if possible. Then their lips meets for the third time on that roof of an old theater building, just as dawn hits. And everything that cannot be said with words are being said through that one kiss.

Before the kiss ends Poe feels the cold item made of silver slide onto his finger and hugging it perfectly like it's supposed to be there _always_.

The night is still young, the speeders are still passing by one by one. The city lights are still flashing and blinding and the stars cannot be seen. The sun will soon rise and the moons will soon set and this time no one will climb down from this roof with a small smile or a wave of a hand.

Neither of the two men on the roof are noticing these things though, simply because they're too busy being in love.

 

 

 

 

— — —

 

 

 

 

_But then you kissed me, and then you left. And now... Now you're nothing but an angel's last breath._

 

 

 

 

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> if you've made it this far, please note that i'm just as lost as you right now


End file.
